im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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