i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
