ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you win again, gameday.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
