I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
