I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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