I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
