You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
