life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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