i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
