it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
