I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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