My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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