Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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