Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
