Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
