just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
