She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
