I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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