He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
