Your face is a jimmy john
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
