You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
