Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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