worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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