I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Can I color on your dick again?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
