So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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