the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she smelled like a LAN party
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
