Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
