i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
