I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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