I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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