You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
