Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
