Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
