I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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