Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
