my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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