She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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