just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
