Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
