You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
