I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
