Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How does one acquire holy water?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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