There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
