I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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