I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
