my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
