This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
