Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
the raccoons are back...
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