i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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