You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
