How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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