Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
