She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
