well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
