I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I deserve this hangover.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
