I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
