just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We are two peas in an std pod
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
